Keeping a Weight Loss Journal {& my 1445 calorie day}

It’s actually my favorite thing to find old journals where I kept my thoughts about my weight and dieting. I like to find them because it reminds me of how far I’ve come, and how I’ve really been able to change my mindset when it comes to food and weight loss.

Currently, I’ll be writing the next 100 days as my journey to the bikini stage again. I won’t publish all of my updates publicly, but when I like the meals I’m eating, or I have a particular weight loss hack, I’ll definitely share.

I’m really doing it for a personal record to remind myself what I did to lose 10 ish pounds and get lean enough to get back on that stage. (I’ll tag all of these with #bikiniprep2023)

So, I recently found some diet journal entries, and wanted to share, in case you can relate! I might share a new one every day if you want to read them. Just let me know in the comments!

I’ll paste these journal entries to the end, so if you’re just here for my full day of eating, you don’t have to scroll through the other stuff.

What I eat in a day as a masters bikini competitor (I’m 49 years old!)

Anyway, back to prep! Here’s what yesterday’s full day of eating getting ready for a masters bikini show in 16 weeks looks like!

Breakfast: I added egg whites to those oats and OMG! It was so creamy, fluffy, and volumonous! I also added Walden farms caramel dip and whipped cream. LOVED IT.
Snack: Greek yogurt, pistachio pudding and a built bar
Lunch: Green salad with chicken, Bolthouse dressing and an apple (on the side.
Dinner: Sloppy joes with one slice of bread, ground turkey, and my favorite frozen veggie combo: California blend!

*Here’s the Myfitnesspal record if you want to see the breakdown

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Why do I do it? Yesterday was awful!  A few things went through my head to justify my overeating, which was CINNAMON BREAD AND PUMPKIN BREAD:

• I just finished filming, and decided It was OK if I were bloated for the next few days. Better than the last few days!
• I tell myself if I start eating in the morning, I won’t be able to stop. I’ll graze all day.

NONSENSE. I can eat and then STOP EATING!

The truth is (and now its been two days of ‘binging’, the truth is I feel TERRIBLE when I eat too much. No matter what the food is. I feel:

• sick- physically sick. Truly, achy stomach, on the edge of throwing up.
• TIRED and lethargic!  The fewer calories I eat, the more energy I have.
• Depressed.  Although never clinically depressed, I do sense the feeling of giving up, apathy, and the desire to sit around and DO NOTHING! I hate that feeling. Why do I allow it?
• The opposite of powerful.  When I”m in control of my food I feel in control of my life~

December 2017

I now, always try to remember how it feels to overeat. It doesn’t feel good. I don’t feel like doing anything. Overeating just makes me want to crawl under my covers and watch TV. Eating the perfect amount of food gives me energy. Gives me life! I always try to remember this!

Here’s another one, which I actually talk more about this idea of delayed gratification here and how to work through it here.

What is my problem??  It seems I will tell myself ANYTHING to eat what I want. What good is a “new thought” when my brain literally goes around it and chooses a new one, just to do whatever I want. Maybe the whole idea of a new thought just isn’t going to help me in my situtation.

Yesterday, the problem was this: I started out great.  I had a cookie on the table that I bought from a neighbor. Earlier, I had listened to Angela Duckworth speak about a self-mastery spectrum, and how if you clean up your environment to support your goals, it’s easier than waiting to the end of the spectrum to avoid something.  So, for example, don’t put yourself in a situation where there are cookies, and you don’t have to worry about saying no to them.

So, I used this new knowledge to EAT the cookie. I told myself, If I just got rid of it, I would be more “set up” to avoid it later. That DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE~ but I did it all day!! Peanut butter, cookies, cool whip, graham crackers, etc.

What has to happen is DELAY PLEASURE NOW IN FAVOR OF THE FUTURE.  Why is this hard for me?  Why does immediate pleasure TRUMP logic!  I have been sick and uncomfortable for a month JUST for immediate pleasures.

So…. here are strategies related to my problems… and hopefully one will resonate and work.

• Change my thought, to change my action.
• Decide to stick to my food rules in every situation, no exceptions.
• Have a future goal that is more compelling than the current temptation.
• Screw it and enjoy food.
• Dial in my purpose, and honor it.

Why I don’t want to screw it…because I feel UNCOMFORTABLE and disappointed each day when I eat too much.

Now that I’ve had a few hours to reflect, I can’t honestly say there is a good or compelling goal or reason to be 115 lbs.  My reason this summer was good and compelling enough to get  there, but obviously not effective enough to STAY there.  And the biggest problem is there Is NO goal or reason that is better than temporary pleasure.

But, if I stop thinking about what I want to do (weigh 115, be a speaker, whatever) and instead decide who I want to BE…. that could be the long term solution.

Who I want to be: I WANT TO BE a healthy, well adjusted person. I want to BE the person who doesn’t LIKE crappy food. I want to be the person who eats very little.  I want to be the person who turns down dessert. I want to be the person that lives an AUTHENTICALLY healthy life. I love a low-fat, low calorie diet.

November 2017