I am Not a Garbage Disposal…{Diet Journal Entry and a 1500 calorie day}

I am so good at telling myself lies!  I Started to write a list of all the hobbies and interests I could possibly have. I wanted to go back to yesterdays journal entry and read each excuse to decide why each one is a lie, and doesnt’ make sense, and I didn’t have time to go back to it.

So, instead, I ate… I kept telling myself, you shouldn’t get started on this path until it’s CLEAR what, why, how, etc.  You should just have more food until you have time to flush out your excuses, your goals, and your reasons… I even ate a granola bar at 9pm!! I NEVER do that. What the hell is wrong with me. Why oh why do I keep telling myself lies? What am I trying to keep myself from learning and achieving. Why am I not interested in living an elevated life? Do I need a coach? Do I need someone to hold my hand and lock up the pantry??

OK here we go again…LIES from yesterday!

I actually did REALLy well.  I stayed so busy all morning, that I didn’t even think about food. The first time I ate by giving myself an excuse was when I was heading out the door to take TJ to soccer… I grabbed a granola bar.  I actually got almost to the car and went BACK for the granola bar… wHY???  What did I say to myself in that moment…

• I have barely eaten anything today. You should have a granola bar for the car.  I need it to sustain me for the rest of the night.
• Deciding while I was eating it, the entire way to soccer that I needed to go to the grocery store and buy something indulgent. After all, I haven’t finished my strategy yet. I haven’t finished my goals.  This weekend I’m going to go over board anyway, so why start now, only to backslide.  Any progress I make today will be totally undone on Friday.
• Because I clearly screwed up anyway, I got home and finished off some pumpkin bread.  Telling myself…I need to clear this out of the house! Once it’s gone, I’ll be fine.
• Two more granola bars to top off my failure  of a day.
• This is the last thing I’m going to eat today- and I like to feel full, and not unsatisfied. If I’m unsatisfied, I’ll keep eating forever.

Why do I have to be so all or nothing?  Why am I ON or OFF, Why can’t I be 80%????  What would 80% look like anyway?

I really need to end EACH journal entry with NEW THOUGHTS!!  These are my new thoughts for today:

• I am strong. Food is neutral and has no power over my choices
• At each moment, I have the choice to say no to food, despite future possibilities of indulgence
• I show my gratitude for food gifts with minimalism, moderation, and mindfulness.
• Calories count, and saying no to certain foods can prevent overeating calories.
• I am not a garbage disposal and I’m not responsible for getting rid of food.
• Not only does every day matter independently, but EVERY moment and every choice matters too!

Bikini prep Day 4 – Full Day of Eating 15 weeks to go!

 𝟏𝟓𝟐𝟔 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝟏𝟒𝟕 𝐠 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐢𝐧, 𝟏𝟑𝟐 𝐠 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐬, 𝟒𝟑 𝐠 𝐟𝐚𝐭
*Nailed it! My calorie and macro goal was almost perfect. Sunday’s are sometimes a bit challenging as I make dinner for my adult kids, and other Young adult nieces and nephews who live nearby. But, If I can measure my food, I can always eat the same food I make for everyone. Last night was shredded pork tacos. Easy to fit in my macros!

𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭: The caramel egg white oatmeal I made for this instagram video I posted yesterday, plus 1/2 cup more of egg whites, 1 egg, and a banana.

𝐋𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐡: Low carb tortilla with chicken, 1 stick light string cheese, shredded chicken, and 1 tablespoon light mayo.

𝐒𝐧𝐚𝐜𝐤: Birthday cake protein ice cream! 2 scoops CSE birthday cake protein powder, 1 banana, and sprinkles.

𝐃𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫: Low carb tortilla, 4 ounces pork shoulder, 1/4 cup black beans, tomatoes, lettuce, and Bolthouse ranch dressing.

Plus lifesavers and gummy vitamins (Once these are gone, I’m going to try to not buy any more till prep is over!)

Reel for Caramel Egg White Oatmeal: https://www.instagram.com/p/Cokr1udDDZz/

Myfitnesspal record